I swear if I see one more guy in a v-neck and fedora I'm going to punch someone in the balls. This is philly, you're not supposed to look like Ryan Cabrera
you sent me the whole alphabet, one letter a text. it took 15 minutes to read them all
I think jizz is working it's way to becoming my number 1 food source.
i realized i had a pad on before i went to this guys house so i stuck it in his neighbors shrub.
We were all singing so you said you were going to play a percussion instrument... the crackers.
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
Nobody is stopping the marines from drinking in class on veterans day. They literally brought a cooler with a bottle of whiskey and vodka on ice. And are passing out red cups to anyone interested. Staying in Vegas for college has officialy become an A+ decision
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
All I want is to send a text that says "i slept with someone while wearing nothing but purple argyle socks this weekend." But the only person i would send that to is you. But you already know. Because they were your socks.
I just took three of the most beautiful hits of my life. As elegant and smooth and delicate and graceful as figure skating
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Are you okay? You're not sitting at home on facebook. I'm worried about you.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Can u pick up some lemons on the way? I have Tequila and a sore throat..I need them for both
Randomize
