i feel rough
just turned on the light, there is blood EVERYWHERE.
Ok im wearing a joe flacco jersey and full stick on unibrow and hardly anyone else dressed up omg
Omg suz!! take the unibrow off
No! im just getting hammered instead
The police scanner is talking about you again....
i'm not entirely sure that 'not getting kicked out of the bar until it got dark' really classifies as 'doing better'
I'm having a staring contest with a raccoon.
Where the hell are you
He's winning.
I just listened to "Eye of the Tiger" and did 5 shots to prep going over to see him.
My new hangover cure is going for a haircut, just so the stylists give me a scalp massage during the shampoo.
That certainly explains the nine times your hair has looked different just this last month alone.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
Your choices in alcohol this weekend are thoroughly disappointing
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He started yelling terms of endearment at a cheese sandwich. Then he tried to hump it.
he was spending his time trying to use emojis to court a 19 year old, I can’t really take that seriously no matter how hot a dude is
Got my period and a UTI on the same day. Fuck you, Sunday.
Look. All I'm saying is that if the USWNT can win a shit ton of medals and have two gay love stories with happy endings, there's still hope in this world
Randomize
