I looked at the bar tab this morning. The bartender added a $25 'customer asshole fee'. I have no grounds to dispute it.
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Just found a bag of weed nailed to the door that my dealer dropped off since I wasn't home. God I love Boulder.
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
I'm about 95% it's a collapsed lung. Go big right?
Does the room smell any better?
Yeah, i sprayed perfume. It smells like Victoria's Secret, if Victoria's secret was that she was homeless.
You have no idea I looked like the porno version of Laura Ingalls Wilder
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Now accepting any stories about my adventures last night, in particular why my knuckles are bleeding.
Actually, lets be honest. I will probably keep calling him the pastor because it brings me joy using pastor and fuck buddy in the same sentence.
I had sex with a mask on because I have the flu and I didn't want to get him sick.
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
Was last night real life? Like did you really light your hair on fire
Randomize
