i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
Guys who wear capris make me want to kill endangered species.
so you know how i got laid the other night? well a condom just came out of me and i dont know whether to be grossed out or happy
i am grossed the fuck out
When you want to head down the cleveland on Sunday?
What time do the bars open? I dont want to remember how bad theyre gonna lose
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
She tried to kill herself by taking a whole packet of panadol. I mean HELLO THAT'S ME EVERY SUNDAY MORNING.
Yeah dude, it's amazing. Be careful though, that shit is really really intense. Like it's way more intense than normal shit...
I took two and feel like crushed diamonds spread over glazing marmalade
i feel like im paying for every hangover i didnt experience last year as a freshman. thank you sophomore year.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
A lumberjack bearing the gift of small oranges or gymnast sex... I love you man but you lose that battle 9 out of 10
he'll always be the guy that i fucked on the bathroom floor
We celebrated our relationship by shotgunning beers on his lawn in our underwear. I may have to marry this man...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
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