Tell LD happy birthday and party like it's $19.99
Recession joke.
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
This girl can open a bottle without using her hands and she's 21. She meets my standards
I told her that if she blew me I would give her the empty pizza box in the fridge.... Why did she agree?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I am never going on a blind date ever again. He drank way too much and kept telling me I had a nice boob. Like.. Singular. What's the other one? The ugly twin?
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
this is an emotional support booty call
I should probably add her on Facebook for as much as I cheat off her in Physics, huh?
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
Saw throw up in the parking lot at work, glad I'm not the only one. But now the search begins.
Mary's wearing shades at her desk, brilliant!
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
