people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
She just asked to stimulate my prostate, man law requires you come pick me up
You know im sick of people that are still obsessed w obama. that was sooooo last year
a hangover this bad deserves a feeding tube
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
I full on slapped a girl with pizza. Like in the face with sauce splattered everywhere and grease with a hard slap to the face.
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
It's not even close to Halloween but there is a girl in a nurses outfit. Twerk or twat.
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
I got to my internship late... with a bag of chipotle and sex hair.
It's Christmas. You could splurge on something a LITTLE fancier than wine in a box.
I had mediocre parking lot sex last night so the night wasn't a complete bust.
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