the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
we are currently watching a singalong porn...just thought you should know
Don't linger or you will get sucked into spending the night. Remember the mission mantra: GET OFF
hey, being drunk and dumb is my thing. Don't take that away from me.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
Iron Man just asked me back to his place... Not sure I can handle this. Wish me luck.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
I tried to get more sleep but the universe decided I needed a drunken freshman instead
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
I will consider today a failure if my nipple isn't bitten at least 😂
Oh is THAT how we're gonna play mini golf
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
Okay, let's just all take a step back and think about how funny this will seem in like a year... Maybe 2 if his nose is actually broken.
4 of us. Guys and girls. Were sitting there discussing the passed out half naked Brit girl on the floor. She is no longer the international woman of mystery.
Randomize
