Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
Awww, you two will make beautiful abortions together...
At least he's not married... I hate Halloween hookups
Although last time you were unsure about someone they flipped a golf cart on me.
There was an awkward moment where I was going for his cock and he reach out and held my hand, thinking that what I was doing
The staff doesn't like it when you try and take your wheelchair for a joy ride since I've been waiting for an hour and a half.
I really gotta be careful. My email inbox is equal parts notifications from instructors and this dude's dick. If I get drunk and reply to the wrong thing I might get kicked out of grad school.
No more vodka shots for you. Last night you begged a man on your knees to sell you his beard. He had no beard.
I've started a list of places i want to drink. To go along with the list of places i want to have sex. Lincoln's log cabin is on both.
He's gonna be so upset when he get's a real job and can't do serious drugs.
You declared that afternoon sex will be referred to as "wet naps" from now on
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
Randomize