Boner jamz table deep. plus bar deep. wiing waing.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
drunkie insisted on stuffing the rest of his scrambled eggs in his pockets before we left ihop. we really should have left a better tip
He kept insisting that I was going to have an orgasm but it just felt like he was rubbing sand paper on my vagina
Exactly. Because my vagina can't be consoled with words. It requires a thicker form of communication
I haven't seen him since I gave him a hand job in the hospital. I like to think I contributed to his speedy recovery.
Thank you for not boning my boss.
I will give you the couch, a small portion of the fridge, and plenty of beer.
Got my future figured out. I'm oddly comforted. Thanks, bro.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
Ok so I need a recap of last night...
YOU SPENT SIX DOLLARS AT NICKEL BEER NIGHT!!! How's that
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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