I justed realized that the word 'turd" is present in saturday
You know its been a rough night when you wake up and the first thing you remember is your mom going skinny dipping.
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
I'm eating cheesecake with my hands completely naked while falling asleep
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Morning! Im using your rent money to snort percocet.
Last night was like blooper reel sex. He dropped me!!
I just got back like 5 minutes ago, I have two champagne bottles that I carried with me on the train home and a Dunkin donuts coffee cup full of stolen butter, I've been in a windowless room for the last 6 hours, time does not exist
what is your life
Free champagne that's what
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
You're going to love the baby's room.
I doubt it. I can't have sex there anymore. That severely limits the appeal of the room to me.
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Randomize
