i think the world will end when pigs can fly. think about it, everyone says blah blah when pigs fly. so shit would be going down if they ever can.
oh fuck your right
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
note to self, drunkenly bedazzeling the silverware was a stupid fucking idea
Don't mind the bowl full of ashes in the sink. I meant to set that on fire.
as soon as I stop standing here with one leg up on my bathroom counter admiring my balls, I'm going to go tan. and then you may come over.
Hey, what did you end up doing with those ski goggles?
Anything is possible. I didn't even know I was wearing the toilet cover as a hat
He shattered his pelvis base jumping so his dicks out of commission for 4 months. Your up, second string.
Are you coming down for 4/20 or does Easter kinda fuck that up for you?
You FaceTimed me to show me he was sucking your tit
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
I haven't been single on my birthday for 7 years. If you don't get me laid tonight, your best friend/wing woman status will be revoked.
Oh shit. My bra is undone and I'm pretty sure I peed on my sandal
Randomize
