It was amazing what she could do with her one good arm.
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
don't tell me I don't love her. i once slept with my girlfriends therapist, just to find out if she was cheating on me.
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
blah blah blah they called me an alcoholic because I threw my beer at a Jesus freak. it was for the best
Should I feel guilty that my husband is cheating on his girlfriend with me? I mean, we're not divorced yet so I still have dibs, right?
I'm in Starbucks carrying the boxes wine and the hubcap. So many judging looks.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I'm at the level of despair that only Panda Express can fix
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