I had a dream that chipotle was out of burritos... Was more like a nightmare.. Gotta go make sure it wasn't real now
dude 8 am is too early to start pregaming for new years eve
clearly you are not from wisconsin
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
It's my diet secret . . . it's like slimfast but I call it cockfast instead.
Then, he just started shoving orange pieces in my mouth as a chaser
Haha. I got you. I always pay you back somehow. Do you accept all major forms of payment: cash, taco bell, and patriotic underwear?
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
At one point I was convinced he was a snake and was going to eat me And I just accepted it
I woke up this morning next to my computer with Google search results for "how to put out a fire."
I'm very scared to turn around.
Don't be upset because I bitch slapped you with intelligence
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I’M DRUNK AND EXCITED.
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
