There is a man on the balcony beside me who claims he is a triceratops. He roared and asked me for a cigarette, telling me he'd eat me if I refused. I love college.
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
I woke up with a random mailbox in my room with a note that said "this should probably be returned. Happy Thursday!"
We didn't even make it to the door before they came out saying we weren't allowed in because of last time..
Took 45 minutes to masturbate. Fuck you Zoloft. I'm never gonna be diagnosed with depression again
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
We spilled a whole bottle of mouth wash and then proceeded to roll around and make out in it. At least I smell minty fresh.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
You are one with the wind and sky, bro.
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
just hooked up with a guy ON MY CAMPUS VISIT. god only knows whats gonna happen when im actually a student
Randomize
