god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
i just walked into thanksgiving and three people in a row asked me who i was. really?
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
I can see why you broke up with her now... it was like having sex with a corpse.
im trying to find a facebook picture of him that doesnt make me regret sleeping with him. its not working
I'm pretty sure my lung is caught on my rib. And I can't feel the left side of my face. Best. Sex. Ever.
I HAVE A BLACK EYE FROM A DILDO!! IM GETTING MARRIED TOMORROW! THIS IS NOT A MISSUNDERSTANDING!
He looks like he's going to feed me a taco and then stab me. It's probably a good idea he's a lawyer
Join us. We're on the roof drinking breakfast
I got asked to "be the filling in a man sandwich." You don't get to pick the club again. EVER.
You yelled "Everybody!!! Round of applause to Jill for not doing anal!!" Right in front of him.
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
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