I just met lou reed's venus in furs. Her hands are slippery.
ed mcmahon, farrah fawcett, and michael jackson all in one week. What next god, are you juts gonna take my penis too?
That bar we were at last night smelled like cougars. Virginia Slims, Aqua Net and Summer's Eve.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
In The Air Tonight was playing in the dentist's office. Had to stop the cleaner to do the drums.
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
so some random man just messaged me on facebook "tig ol bitties" should i be concerned?
How high is the bridge and how deep is the water and what are the chances I will get arrested
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
I just formed the "shit on a tree in Chicago club." And I feel awful about it.
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
Fuck man, I am really high rn and all I've eaten is different forms of pie
and eventually we just all took our pants off
It actually wasn't the first time that a guy I just met ate me out in the back seat of his car in a starbucks parking lot in the middle of the day.
Randomize
