I molested 6 butterflies tonight
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
This is great- I found hangover detoxifying bath salt online. It flushes out the alcohol. We need this.
We're not in high school anymore. I'm not going to pretend to be impressed as he butchers my favorite songs on his guitar. I just wanted to get laid.
Don't be alarmed at the kitchen mess. I had to shoot the fire extinguisher on the toaster oven, one quick blast. It was a matter of safe over sorry.
Well right but if we go, he may just disappear for a long time into the unknown with the drag queens.
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
We're snowed in with only two condoms. This will literally be valentines day russian roullette.
On a scale from 1 to total dick, how inappropriate is it to pick your boyfriend up from rehab with a hangover?
Note to self: never fuck a Canadian, surprisingly highly disappointing
Why is there a wet sock in my garbage? Why did I chug so much red wine? Why was someone signing into my iCloud account at 4 am in China? Why do I do self-destructive reckless things? So many questions.
She was topless, yelling this is Sparta, threatening to push her dad into the sewer. I am pretty sure she won't be at school.
Dad hid the hash somewhere in my room and wont tell me where it is until i clean it. My room is spotless. The hash was on the ceiling fan...
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
& I came downstairs to find my whole family discussing the fact that I have a vibrator, which my mom found accidentally....
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