He really likes Obama...and Bill Clinton too. He said "I mean, how many presidents can say that they got head in the oval office?"
Soulmates.
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
Yea, i was tied up and blindfolded. And someone was throwing chicken nuggets at my face.
Its going to be drunk as shit/pirate themed. Im dressing as the former.
Heard in class today that they replaced our carpet in last years apartment because they couldn't get the smell out, dude we smoked way to much pot last year.
Last time I went to flagstaff I threw up in my beard. I would very much like to recreate that moment.
THIS IS A FLATMATE WARNING! The white powder next to sink is washing powder I spilled and is not meant for human comsumption. I repeat- do not digest, snort or smoke the white powder next to the sink!!!!
I fell off my bed and busted open my chin on the prisoner of azkaban. Somehow missed the almost empty Jose handle next to it. So guess what I was doing last night?
Just found my glass of wine on top of the litter box. Every argument ever is invalid.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
Right, try not to commit a felony that costs more than 4 dollars cause that's all I have in my bail jar.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
Good new is, my parents are alive. Better news they will be in the hospital all weekend. Best news is im having a house party. All weekend.
She's licking the vodka she spilled off the desk
Aaaaand now she's drinking it out of the shot glass like a cat
Randomize
