Chill out big head. its weird when girls look at dudes asses
News Flash: Turtles are cuter than Jesus.
Congrats on damning at least 10 generations of your offspring to hell with just one text message. Way to start your morning off right.
funny how all you have to say is "i'm infertile" and boys are stoked on you
I told you it's awful. It looks like he was eating honey at a barbershop and tripped.
i miss our vodka / percocet laundry days.
Woke up in my own bed with a "New Years Eve 2011" bar bracelet on. Both of these things confuse me.
Dude she hit me with my own penis and it hurt. I've never been cock slapped but she slapped me with my own cock so it has to be worse.
I don't think I can recall what a 23 year old cock felt like if one slapped me in the face.
I might have been the first person in 2015 to throw up on a yellow cab before climbing in it.
Your vagina needs to teach my vagina its ways.
It wasn't until I lost my earring that I realized "I've been here before". Turns out we fucked a year ago. We've decided to make it a tradition.
That guy I hooked up with in new york last 2 statuses are "I'm going to be a father, it's a girl" then "wow syphilis sure does burn" I'm legit scared... What has my life come to.
I swear it’s like he’s filling my soul via my vagina
Happiness is laying in bed, topless, pouring 4 packs of hot sauce on your taco bell.
So naked ping pong was a mistake... Looks like we were attacked by an octopus.
Randomize
