need another drink. this is the easiest way
I love you and want you to know that you're the best friend ever and me lassoing you with a seatbelt was out of sheer affection.
Bob the builder, bob the uilder bob the builder bbbbbbbbbbbbbbbbjbbbbbiotch!pp!!!!
You know that joke about taking tylenol pm and jerking off? you don't always win. sometimes you wake up in the morning naked lubed up cock in hand to the realator and would be perspective buyers laughing at you
This is breast cancer awareness month... The least we can do is give a stripper some singles.
It was your ex but it was not eighties night, it was pudding wrestling. And either thank you or I'm sorry depending on the state of my pants left on the doorstep
It was darkish out, I was shit faced, and they should have marked the electric fence a little more clearly. The entire wedding reception saw me run full force into it
And I also succeeded in getting kicked out of a bar when I was drinking straight from the vodka bottle at our table.
I'm watching Russian dudes pole-dance. For research.
Getting a blow job while breaking up with my gf helps cope with the pain... Kinda weird her best friend is giving me the BJ
I'm pretty sure I just orgasmned my way out of paying for that weed
I feel kind of like we’re in a gang and tonight is one of those “people are gonna know not to fuck with us” type of nights. And then tomorrow I am going to learn to pole dance. I’m not really sure how I got to this point in my life… but I like it.
I came so hard my ears popped.
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Does it count as a threesome if your friend drunkenly has sex on top of you while you're passed out?
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