Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
I'm riding in a wheelchair, being pulled by a golf cart. You need to be here.
Well the pizza delivery man was either startled or incredibly intrigued to see me skateboarding in the living room by myself at 1 in the morning in ripped pantyhose
Also, just had a student offer to sell me Xanax. Want some? Just for like a rainy day. Or our memorial day shitshow. Or just another Wednesday night.
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
How do you leave a condom wrapper under my mom's pillow...
This may not be the best moment to laugh, but I am.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So this was during drunk golfing. She started wacking me off on the ninth hole and an old couple rolls up next to us. And Says "hey gu- oh my golly" and while my penis is in her hand I'm like "sorry you guys can play through"
Rule 1: If any of us dies on a trip, the other two have to 'Weekend at Bernies' the shit outta that corpse...
My vibrator box just fell off the table and hit my cat in the head, he is a little stunned. Good thing I went medium size
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
I bought a mink out of the back of some guy's van on my walk home from the bar yesterday
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
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