overheard a conversation between 2 lesbians: 'back when I used to have dick sex...' oh, vegas, I so heart you
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I wish there was a non slutty way to ask the guys across the hall if i can copy their men's bathroom key so I have one for my one night stands
Hhahaha he is. Omg the new polish friend just took his pants off in front of me. There is something wrong with this nationality.
soo how bad was i last night?
licking sour cream off of the table at pancheros bad.
Mystery lines found in a Pyrex dish in the back of my pantry at 415 am. No recall as to it's origin. Unidentifiable taste. Obviously I'm doing them
ME TOO. Am adrunk madr out qith. White guy. Guy de white. Blanco chico. Chico de blanco
We were walking home from Pluckers (read carrying your drunk ass) and out of nowhere you yelled "Say bitch you got a Facebook?" at a random chick walking by.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
I've drank literally 19 beers and am still good. Utah is worthless
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
Its was awkward last year cuz in the middle of it her mom bust In the room with noise makers and champagne
So you're at your daughter's volleyball game looking at dicks online? That's amazing.
No, I was picking her up from volleyball and sitting in my car looking at dicks.
So you were shitfaced and stole a fucking kayak?
Randomize
