I wish I could test you the smell I just had to experience. It smelled like this lady was microwaving squirrel rectum.
We just all danced like dinosaurs in the center of the dance floor.
I wish Facebook had filters like: Ivy League school, frat boy, straight, extremely wealthy, great in bed.. I would check all of them
I feel as if I owe my bloodstream some tequila.
It was like some kind of slut recycling operation. She gave me the shirt of the last guy she slept with in exchabge for mine so I didn't have to wear the same thing to work. She's been doing it for years
I was passed out on the dog bed yelling "I UNDERSTAND"
i'm having the hardest time convincing my roommates to go dumpster diving for pizza with me. i really miss you..
my dad has now seen 6 different dudes grab my ass. i guess i should start a list.
I'm not gonna lie. The thing I miss the most about him right now is the air conditioned hotel rooms.
Had weird bad dreams about you last night. Please tell me you didn't google my real surname and that you don't go to a needle exchange.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Enough talk of my burning loins. How is your day?
I have 3 vacation days left and I'm guarding them like a gay dragon on a pile of gold dildos molded after celebrities.
Smaug the FABULOUS
He gave his liver a pep talk before the vodka chugging started
The guy i took home was a circus freak. He jerked off 3 times in front me after we had sex. And he came every time.
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