Played the LOTR drinking game last night. Ended up in boxers running thru the lot at ross's place screaming "for frodo"
He was drunk at Denny's at 5 am saying how Dear John was the worst movie he has ever seen... eyes filled with tears.
I'm at the grocery store buying monistat and corn nuts. thank god for self check out.
He got 20 stiches.. Who knew so much damage could come from a single shopping cart.
I love you. Thanks for all the blowjobs.
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
I was high last night eating a fudge bar and making eggs with toast and corned beef hash for a 2 am snack and my dad asked what I was and the only reply I could think of was "I'm an adult."
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Now I have to set an alarm for less than 6 hours from now to wake her up, get her showered and get her to her first day of tutoring a kid from her church. WTF is my life?
i feel like when you brought up the possibility of you getting pregnant the sexting is over
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
He has a bear rug in his room. I'm going to ask if we can have sex on it. Wilderness sex.
Bro, it was an EPIC night once again last night. I’m so sorry that you saw me naked.
i like coming up with different names when i reference that night. 'the night i got kicked out of the bar', 'the night i escaped from the hospital', 'the night we had that threeway'...
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
Randomize
