i had to take my roommates dildo out of her suitcase so I could use it
the suitcase or the dildo?
Dont have access to internet. masturbating to shake weight commercial.
I just banged two guys while dressed like an angel. I love this holiday.
Bitches at mcdonalds acting like they never seen a girl puke in her own coat pocket before
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
This text is addressed to sober me: getting drunk by yourself may have seemed like a Good idea at first bit it can tell you that it wasn't ad fun as you thought it would be
Ps your lap top bag is FULL of empty beets
I'm pretty sure I swallowed a whole condom
You're fucking beautiful as shit and we should have loving sex...
My love will cover her like lulu lemon yoga pants. Casually supportive and always complimenting your Ass.
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
I showed my cat the amount of coke I had. She looked concerned.
Refresh my memory....were we forced to leave or did we choose to leave?
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
So i've noticed that drunk me erases sent messages to hide them from sober me, because drunk me knows that sober me will be PISSED at drunk me.
Randomize
