1:32a: I quit. signing up for eharmony. Don't judge
i permit you to call me
Also, I'm sitting at a crosswalk watching two Mexican gangs fight each other. I miss you too. A lot.
How the fuck did you go into work today? You are a better man than I. I couldn't even show up to being unemployed on time.
Her dad smelled like someone lit a fart and burned their ass hairs.
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Is it wierd that you're going to be my best man and you've fucked my wife?
Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
It wasn't a threesome, it was me making out with one while looking at the other one screaming "does this make you jealous?"
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Anal and Aoki tickets...I'd say I give pretty good Valentines Day gifts.
I thought my dog was a polar bear. I kept asking how the north pole was this time of year.
I just figured out how I'm going to tie you to my bed. Hint: I may have to go to the auto parts store before you get here.
Taco Bell is better for you than cocaine, I promise.
He only has one ball. it was like fucking a cyclops.
Randomize
