My cock was attacked by outdoor plants
i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
Yeah, I tried playing the "see how long he can stay inside of me" game.. And I lost.
One of my students just told me turtles are lazy and need to get a job. Fuck yes, my job here is done.
I am way too high for this. Some guy just keeps talking about music and life goals and he apparently has lived in every city we mention we are going
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Fuck Sunday funday. Fuck real pants. Fuck the sun. Fuck Jameson. Fuck my life. Yes, I am hungover as shit sitting in my office eating bacon.
While eating post sex burritos I dripped taco bell sauce on my boob. He licked it off and asked why I hadn't thought of that before.
I suggest absurd amounts of masturbation this weekend to build up the necessary calluses
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
This power is too much for most humans to handle safely. It's like having the nuclear launch codes, except it's my penis.
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
He was a foot taller than me and my hands were bigger than his, it's called Pity head
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