...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
the entire lecture hall sighed when the prof announced that there will be an exam on 4/20
what part of "i slept with our hot teacher" are you not excited about?!
the part where you beat me to him
fair enough.
He looked like he was trying to woo a lady version of himself by playing goblin music on his guitar.
I left for five minutes and Chris wound up half in women's clothes, half naked. And the naked half was covered in shamrock stickers.
put something nutritious in your body. AND NOT JUST THAT JOINT.
Dude she tried to bite my face off last night, literally. I have never actually felt like a piece of meat until that point in life...
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Omg this place. I'm at a neighborhood party. My mom has kissed two other moms. Where am I
As we were leaving a memorial service last night he turns to me and says, is it too soon for a post funeral blowie?
Just zoned back in to real life and found myself chanting "noodle eater noodle eater noodle eater" at my parrot as he devoured a single macaroni
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
dude, he literally lasted one minute. and i paid 8 dollars for cabs.
I felt the need to set off fireworks in the living room while they were having sex upstairs. Yes, they quieted down.
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
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