oh, also, we're locked out of the house and we're going to have to take shelter with the hot, poss single, dad next door. i hope this turns into a porno
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
Girls are like M&M's, once the lights go out you can't tell the difference.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
my ex gf has sooo many hot friends... i feel like im at a grocery store when on her fb... just shopping around.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
Being college poor has reached a new low. I am giving up on masturbating so i can save money on toilet paper
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
I should start printing out disclaimer handouts and passing them out to people saying, "I can not be held responsible for anything I say or do this evening."
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I would totally lead with that as a line.'So, I was on Legends of the Hidden temple as a kid.. Your place or mine?'
Watching a guy masturbate in real time is a lot less theatrical than porn had me to believe.
I saw your dick pic and thought there goes the last thread of my heterosexuality.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
Randomize
