I dont know whether to be proud of myself for not driving, or being proud that i was so messed up I couldnt drive
Farted during a conference call.SBD. permeated the room people were gonna puke.noone could say anything or leave cus we were on the phone with clients. coworkers were outraged.how I still have a job is beyond me.
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
We couldn't find any ping pong balls, so we used a fishing bobber. Could we be more country?
Going home with an argentinian named sulvio. Ill let you know how it goes.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
Apparently I was proudly showing him the cup I barfed pizza rolls into
AND WHAT FELONIES DID I MISS OUT ON WHILE SLUMBERING!?
I swear if he puts my hand anywhere near his dick tonight I'm "accidentally" leaving all my rings on
I emailed the police apartment to apologize to the officer from last night. I practically threw a hissy fit because he wouldn't hug me.
It was "against protocol"
I just ironed my gstring.. this is please fuck my brains out on a whole new level.
You KNOW it was a good night when you find French fries AND taco remnants in your bra when you get home...
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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