i'm gonna start putting 34DD under other qualifications on my bartender applications and see if that helps
so I told him I hadn't been laid since Bush was president. Right after he cums, he says "Welcome to the Obama Administration".
I'm in his phone as "nashville blowjob" he also has "cleveland blowjob" "vegas blowjob" etc. i'm okay with this.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
Aaaaand then she sang MDMA to the tune of the YMCA song, with appropriate gestures.
Know of anyone who would be interested in trading weed for meatballs?
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I found pix on her phone of me passed out and her sticking things up my ass. Its over.
This has to be the weirdest conversation I've ever had sober and in the middle of the day before.
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
i was asked to be gay of honor by three different girls and NONE of the groomsmen at any of the weddings is open to experimenting. i mean whats the point then.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Also epiphany: I gotta quit fucking with dudes that have never seen Harry Potter. They all turn out to be shitheads who probably eat honeydew.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
