I hope no one judges me for becoming a facebook fan of "Adderall" at 5:49 AM...
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
i mean he wasn't bad looking, but i wouldn't have slept with my professor if i knew everyone would get an A
that's what penises do
they tell lies.
Well if it makes you feel any better I threw up at Roadhouse. And then on the way to the train. And then in a water fountain. And then in a plastic bag on the train.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I think I'm finally maturing. I'm happy he found someone. Good for him. I sincerely hope she doesn't choke on his tiny penis.
HELP THE ONLY THING THAT'S HELPING ME DISTINGUISH BETWEEN THE TWO OF THEM IS THE DIRECTION OF THEIR WINKY FACES OMFG
You're invited to our X-games themed party. We have an ice luge and every time someone eats shit we drink. It's gonna be great.
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
Woke up with a text saying "when I get to see them titties again lil ma??" With 8 beads around my neck & an empty bottle of vodka in my arms.
And also the fact that I woke up sandwiched between two gay men is probably fueling my day
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
Im so hungover I just threw up at the sight of a CARTOON CRABBY PATTY
Finally got with the virgin.
Yeah? Howd that go?
As soon as I got it all the way in, I looked deep into her eyes and said "your soul is mine" in the deepest voice I could make. She was not amused.
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