okay pat passed out under dana's car
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
Eric and I got kicked off of karaoke last night. Apparently, singing about masturbation to the tune of "A Whole New World" is not appropriate and definitely frowned upon by the DJ.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I've literally never felt worse
My body feels like its decomposing
I paid off a credit card today. And I was tested negative for HIV. AND I did laundry. Honestly, I'm most excited about the laundry.
I spent the day drinking wine and meditating. I'm zen as fuck.
I was about to share my drunken story from the weekend, but two friends getting married and one finding out she's pregnant makes Saturday in jail look a little suspect.
You used a fucking bud light like as lube last night. I'd get a UTI test like stat.
Why can't he just dump me? This is like a baby seal clubbing the hunter
Twas still the Saturday before Christmas \nAnd it’s still fucking snowing\nAnd Steve wished he slowed down \nOn all the fucking drinking
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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