I need to start cutting my cocaine with Plan B
You were right. It hurts to walk today.
My cat puked at the same time as me. Makes me feel better about myself, except he can stand and I can't.
you took out flashcards at the bar and went around asking guys what totalitarianism meant.
she handed me her phone while she blew me and told me to text her bf that she was at the store
Hookers taste better with whip cream
Maybe we ought to get some pennicillin too
Fair enough
I wana party with Kermit the frog, no wait. Fozzy the bear. He's probably a silly bitch when he's drunk.
While he was going down his phone rang and he answered saying I'll call you later I'm eating.
i threw up on the table at the pizza place and peed in her room mates closet. i wouldnt invite me back either
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
I just gave parenting advice and had a discussion about the distribution of wealth in america...in a bar. I'm starting to think its me and not you lol
It was the highest I'd ever been. I felt like a blob. A blob eating a burrito.
We havent had power for three days. What else is there to do besides drink and fuck? I thought that was obvious.
The expiration date on my 40 is the same day as my 21st birthday
that's the second time my extensive knowledge of taylor swift has gotten me laid
Randomize
