he was like Britney Spears in bed.. a little chubby and too medicated to perform.
Just so we both are on the same page, I have no solid plans as to where I'll be sleeping tonight.
I think I'm going to die by hangover. I'm in my spanish class. So I guess I'm going to be muerte.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
the snow is so cold on my vagina.
why do you have snow on your vagina?
vodka and heels.
On the bright side, I hit her with the door on the way in
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I am now best friends with a lesbian named Zulu. I am pretty hammered already and made a game time decision to stay here another night,for partying purposes
Vague recollection of me ripping your shirt off at the bar... I hope I asked first, otherwise that's real rude.
Queso dip and pictures of Daniel's penis. It's like the last days of Rome over here.
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
You went to a drug deal in a onesie.
Like did I tell you about the ex Amish guy? Because that was a mess
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
Randomize
