perhaps when you are drinking red wine from a tall glass with a straw it is time to call it a night.
He started making shapes and faces with his cock and balls.... apparently if you wrap the shaft with your balls and turn it 90 degrees to the left it looks like a hamburger
i can't believe you were mixing vodka with green tea last night and enjoying it.
i should bottle and sell it. my slogan could be "green tea vodka. antioxidating while intoxiacting. your liver will thank you. "
if you really think there are plastic pots safe for the stove i fear for your future landlords.
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
Why is your name on a gluestick in a plastic baggy stuck to my door?
I need to shower, but I have no shower curtain... I think I can get by with a whore bath and a hat for one more day.
My chin is breaking out a bit and feels all itchy and burny like I'm allergic to something. Are you using a new lotion on your balls?
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
Using Michelob Ultra as champagne.
He came over and said its legs day so put them in the air! Fucked me for 30 minutes and said he had dinner reservations to go to. Well i just ran into him and his friends hammered at Taco Bell
Something about finishing sexting a guy and him going "well. I have to get ready for Passover now" really makes me rethink my life choices
I can insert a female catheter, but I cannot grill a cheese.
I just made out with his twin, technically it's the same person..... Right?
I was taking a nap and she comes in wo/ pants, gets up on the bed and mounts my face while watching Weeds on Netflix. I'm okay with it, but at least let me wake up first.
Randomize
