im insabelyl wasted and diont know if ill yexyed tou. call me
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
I swallowed your vile semen and you don't know what color my fucking eyes are!?
just realized we made a drinking game to how many times they say "hakuna matata" in the lion king last night... hello sophomore year.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
The cop asked you if you had been drinking and you said you drank milk out of a cow.
I rememeber. I showed him the picture on my phone of me drinking out of the utter, right?
He recognized me by my ass from about 15 yards away. I must have a REALLY nice ass.
Found a fruit roll up in my pocket this morning. This means my daughter has a peach blunt wrap in her lunchbox.
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
Yeah I was convinced everyone knew I was high. Time was passing way too slowly for anyone NOT to notice.
We're living together and you don't know if I've seen Titanic?!
I made out with my former step mother's best friend. Only knew the connection when they both showed up together at the bar.
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
Randomize
