just went to get groceries. a cashier said she saw me last night. i guess i carried a broom back from the party and swept the street the whole walk back...and i claimed to be in the cast of wicked
living well may be the best revenge, but it doesn't hurt that my exhusband is now dating a BEAST.
I just went to a subway where the girl didn't know how to make a blt. I will not miss public school texans.
you handled that situation with as much grace as someone puking involuntarily could
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Its really bad when you fall asleep at a stop light outside the hotel and you wake up to a small spanish limo driver knocking on your window to tell you it's a green light
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
Btw: some husbands are not impressed by me trying to snap photos of their wives camel toe.
took some adderal to make my alochol withdrawl less shitty. now im just concentrating on how badly i need a drink
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Anybody can graduate from college sober. You try it while being stoned every day for the last three years. 2.75 baby.
I either forgot underwear this morning or lost them at work and I seriously don't know which.
my liver is dry heaving
Most people that see those numbers aren't going to realize what they mean and those that do will think 'oh those must be her favorite hockey players' and not 'oh she wants to see those hockey players fuck each other'.
Randomize
