My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
Nicole vs. Life
She looks like an uncircumcised penis in a hat.
No, I was feeling sad because all of the other girls were like model-skinny. But then I remembered that I had big boobs and went to hit on their boyfriends.
this guy jus got head in a gas station bathroom from this fat chick with one leg
gross dude. was the guy blacked out drunk or something?
yeah and it only cost me 6 dollars
she told me she sucks everyone's dick but mine because mine is too big and "hard to suck" i need to reevaluate the girls i fall in love with.
I've never heard a "this is the reason why i dont suck your cock" explanation go in that direction
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
FOUR LOKO IS YES. SUNDAY MORNING DRUNK IS YES.
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
stumbled upon a picture of an owl staring me in the face. i almost offered him a bong hit.
It mathmatically balances. Less pants + more shirt = fully clothed. see? Not a whore!
I walked outside an you were laying down talking to a star about your life. That's when I took the bottle of jack away...
how do you not remember that?! you winked at the bouncer and then proceeded to grind on him while chugging a beer. i don't know if i should be proud or embarrassed to be your friend
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
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