you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
The most interesting things happen to you when your pants come down. I truly envy you.
You insisted on squirting shots of captain morgan in your mouth with a turkey baster by like 930.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
From russia with love. But also with chlamydia.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
Also, horsecock action starts in about a month. Have you prepared yourself yet?
the only two hours i was sober on this trip and i managed to break my toe. no one will believe this.
Can you send me the pic of me puking with a quesadilla on my shoulder
I came to the conclusion that Tinder and having the day off are not good for my relationship.
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
I sign my lease Thursday, I'm about to be released back into the wild.
I'll make missing person signs.
You're a good friend.
I just walked in on her masturbating to a social anxiety video...
So there i was right, midnight, washing my junk off in my bathroom sink.
Randomize
