My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
i just got a fart via voicenote. blackberry has officially changed history.
dude all you wanted to do was sleep under a bridge
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
I've never felt so inclined to grow a dick. THIS is what the gays in this town have done to me
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
Dude that soap I drank last night is fucking killing me.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
Who told you that acid and Jurassic World was a good idea?
dont remember, but I'm pretty sure I was convinced that the hybrid dinosaur was satan the whole time. It was actually very spiritual
I'm going to preface tonight by saying that I'm sorry for tequila, shopping carts, and having to chase me.
Someone had to wrestle her in the chocolate pool, I'm glad I was man enough to step up and do it
It was a fun night! I woke up with a boyfriend, again....
So you realized he wasn't actually cheating on you and now you're trying to unfuck things. Or in this case unfuck Tom.
Randomize
