you know you've been playing too much mario kart when you see a curve in the road ahead and see yourself drifting around it
I just did the nutritional comparison between 2% milk and Bud Light Lime.. the beer had less calories, less carbs, and less fat. It's not looking good for milk in my life anymore
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
Numbies before the dentist, such a good idea.
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
We put your drunk ass to bed. 10 minutes later we heard you scream "DICK-PUNCH!!!" It was immediately followed by a shriek of pain and crying. So to answer your question; no, that's not "sex soreness".
If I have to strap one on and give it to you good, you will not die revirginated. That's friendship.
Just specific performance'd my way into her pants. I literally said specific performance and that shit worked. Thanks B. Law!
Did I tell you I bit someone's arm for you last night
Being single/not living at home sucks. All I want is someone I can force to pick up my pizza for me so I don't have to talk to anyone.
We were banging then all I remember is coming down hard and smashing my top teeth off his forehead. I just rolled off and tapped out. Done-zo
I threw a dessert topping at a baby tonight so drink up! If you stay sober tonight I will be very disappointed in you.
well smoking weed has become a deal breaker for me so I pretty much use "let's go smoke a blunt" as an icebreaker
You told me you were going to invite all of your Tinder matches to the same bar on the same night and make them compete for your affection in a series of Lust Olympics. Winner gets laid.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize