sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Just got a call at work, I have to consent to a random drug and alcohol test by end of business day, if you arranged this it's the best/worst April fools prank ever.
My vagina hasn't been this smooth since I was 8. I better get laid tonight.
Going stoned out of mind to my sociology exam because it's really just a pizza party. I love community college.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
How many stacks you been grindin gangsta?
omg mom no
It's so blood brotha crip what be good
I definitely think in addition to buying paint ball guns this summer we should invest in a breathalyzer. That way every drunk night turns into a competition, who can blow over the legal limit more. The loser gets shot while hungover. Shit goes hand in hand if you ask me.
i tied my phone to a string attached to my bra. i am NOT losing it tonight
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
im watching blue is the warmest color at the music box and this dude is literally masturbating 3 feet in front of me
Haha never eat brownies from a guy with batman pajamas
You were on the train yelling, "THIS TRAIN NEEDS TO GO FASTER SO I CAN GO HAVE SEX WITH MY BOYFRIEND!!!"
Im about to get an ultrasound of my balls. I hate waiting. Its the worst.
why yes, bad decisions will be made starting at 3PM Thurs through 8PM on Sun. You have been warned. Plan accordingly.
Randomize
