Just got kicked out of the ocean for being "unsafe".
the pool opens at 11. by 1115 the ambulance had been called.
Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
Just checked my missed calls... why did you call me 37 times from 2:14 to 3:58?
you threw your tampon into someones open car window...while they were driving.
I discovered the grieving process is shock, denial, anger...and then something about drinking until you puke on yourself
Being the adderall dealer on campus, I feel responsible for everyone graduating.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
They let me keep the giant cocktail glass because I threw up in it. And made out with the bartender. Europeans are so generous. I'm getting it engraved
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
The owner was showing me around and pointed at one of the bars and said "this is the one you're allowed to dance on. I could tell you wanted to ask." DREAM JOB.
Also, what day were you thinkin we should trip balls at the children's museum?
You made me promise I wouldnt let you play "fuck fuck goose" with a 40 year old ever again.
Randomize
