Sometimes I feel like I shouldn't drink when I come out of a black out half naked covered in puke. Then I realize thats why I drink.
My sole motivation for showering this morning was to masturbate. Something is wrong here...
may or may not have recieved head in the car before we came in.
First straight guy ever blown in a Prius. Congrats.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
there is nothing like a happy birthday present when you wake up with a bow on your vagina.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
she bonged a coffee cause she was hungover. then she bonged a beer cause she got ambitious. then she barfed. then she had to start over again.
No more Raisinettes before sex. That's what happened. I just put it together
the japanese bartender dressed as a cowboy in assless chaps just told me i was too drunk for another shot
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
There is blood all over my sheets and no discernible source.
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
Car sex in a public place. Boo ya.
Randomize
