she said i have a nice penis, i told her only bob saget and god could judge that.
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I need input, can I pre-game my cat scan?
She called picking up at 2pm a matinee drug deal.
We should celebrate the resignation of Berlusconi tonight with too many bottles of wine and sambuca. We're allies, right?
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
She insisted on cleaning her room in the dark. 5 minutes in, she forgot what she was doing and started putting shirts on instead of hanging them up.
Do I like my job? I just bought 1/2 oz of pot from my supervisor at work. At a discount. And he said, "pay me whenever."
I don't believe in coincidence. I believe in the stars aligning perfectly to sodomise me in public. Who ever said I was cynical?
Dude. Cvs sells sex toys. And my discount works on them. Game on.
Nothing says "forever alone" like receiving a friendship bracelet from your parents.
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
You tried to chase every shot with a blueberry.
I’m at the Eye doc, sitting in the waiting room. The woman next to me is highlighting passages in her bible. I’m watching pornhub on mute. I clearly need some penis, or Jesus.
Randomize
