i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
The problem is he wears abercrombie jeans like there's nothing wrong with it
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
I want to fuck you on the side of the bed tonight.
babe, don't say it like that!
I'm sorry, I want to penetrate you on the edge of our sleeping quarters this evening.
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
I'm sorry I compared your vagina to nascar
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
If you're not going to call the girls I bring around by name, at least don't call them by number. It's been cockblocking since girl #47. Dick.
I'm drinking your booze since you ate my pop-tarts. I'm telling you this because I still don't think it's a fair trade.
Less than a month to go... I do not understand how I was able to put up with a roommate who wears bright green Crocs for a year.
Somehow you're a lightweight AND an alcoholic. Rare combo in one person. Well done.
Well start with a list of things you don't want to do... Like maybe 1) I don't want join Isis. That's a good start.
Can we relax the "married man" rule just once?
Never make a coconut bikini from a real coconut.
I smell like old thai food.
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
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