im at the bar and i misjudged a fart...go home or ride the night out?Never mind, the bouncer made the decision for me...be home soon
Drunk and had dance off with 8 year old. Lost. Still drinking
He kept saying 'your mouth is Amazing' even after I was on his dick.
Just had a dream about an abnormally large bottle of tequila. No more depressed drinking for me.
do to the flooding of the park, there will be a midnight bikini mud wrestling party behind my dorm. all are welcome.
Are you being sarcastic? I can't tell this time because you're in the hospital.
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
i get the sense she is planing new and exciting ways to physically harm me during sex
The to do list extremely baked self wrote for me last night says "1. Join gym 2. Passport? 3. Join a gym" And then just a drawing of a squid
SHE GRABBED MY FULLY ERECT DICK IN A BAR AND STUCK HER TONGUE DOWN MY THROAT AND I COULD NOT CLOSE
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's amazing
I want to run hundreds of miles and do a whole semesters worth of homework while flying on a unicorn and throwing endless glitter bombs
I need to you to send me drugs via FedEx
I have the liquor shits and this time, it's personal.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
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