I just walked into the kitchen and my dad was having this uber serious convo
With himself
I left when they started reinacting what appeared to be a jerry springer episode
im pretty sure the clearest way to say "dont worry, im not emotionally attached" was by sleeping with his roommate the next night
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
Soo I woke up in the storage room at best western....I dont even know what say
somehow attending a funeral viewing turned into me snorting cocaine in the bathroom and drawing ninja turtles for children
Just gave candy to a strange child. Not my best move.
Just because the energy drink is shaped like a grenade doesnt make it cool to throw it and yell "BOOM" and break my flatscreen, asshole
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
I'm sorry for breaking our door. And being a bitch about it.
Pretty sure my boss knows there's Jack smell coming out of my pores right now... He just gave me a look...
Dude, you got arrested for trying to direct traffic with your dick....
Randomize
