pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
Just woke up on a couch in the FIJI house with 2 missed calls from someone I saved in my phone as "Some DU Kid Named TJ Maybe"
you make me proud to be your friend
Giving me the bigger bowl of ramen isn't considered "romantic"
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
What I love about college? The kid tripping balls has a kayak made readily available to him on any given Wednesday, Saturday, or Sunday.
Walked girl from last night to car as gf was driving up. Got slow clap from neighbors.
he just texted me saying he needs a place to stay for the night. pretty sure i just got booty called to my own house...
What time do you think you'll be heterosexual?
You declared war on your ex and then had sex with who you thought was her sister. No one knows who she was but we think your dick might be in danger.
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
Side note, i did some manscaping and now my farts sound way different
I will gladly accept you into my home with open legs.
That’s all I need in life: vibrators, butt plugs, strawberry lube, and sour gummies
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