i feel like when youre not in my profile picture no one knows who i am.
We've only been driving for two hours and I'm already down 3 vicodin...I'm not going to survive this family vacation.
I have hooked up with someone in EVERYONE OF MY CLASSES.
That's how you know you deserve to be a senior
I don't think my arm is broken I can still text
thanks for leaving the note with the doctor's recommendations for my lip, they are dissolvable stitches right?
She is just sitting by the bathroom like a little puppy waiting for a knight in shining armor to take her in there to fuck her. New low?
I am too drunk to be out in this weather around all these animals.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Day drinking straight vodka out of a Mountain Dew can being towed behind a kayak on a raft. And no, there is no time difference, it really is 10 am.
You went full blown lifeguard... You wouldn't let me sleep until I was in the safety position, so I wouldn't die in my sleep...
This is one of those times I wish I had a time machine so I could go back and punch myself in the face to make me realize what I need to do before it's too late
Well, that's not my fault. I make decisions all the time when I'm drunk.
Do you know how fucking great a bath bomb is when you're high?
He tried to kiss me in the middle of hooking up... it was a deal breaker. I got off him and left.
So making out with chicks at the bar is fine and dandy, but your booty call can't kiss you? You have the strangest fucking rules...
Even in drag you're still better looking than your sister.
Randomize
