I'M GETTING MARRIED!
YOU'RE STILL MARRIED!
the 3rd commandment: and god said, if you buy a handle.. you must finish it.
It was literally like being eaten out by a dog. That bad.
Let me just say....i'm sorry about setting your carpet on fire. I had no idea that the paper towel would burn that quickly.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
If you're wondering about the pepper everywhere its for the ants and it was my doings. They hate pepper. You're welcome.
Currently separating the burrito I just stuffed in my purse from the weed in my half smoken bowl that was already in it. My what the fuck moment beats yours.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
he's home with a concussion now...but apparently i'm still the highlight of his freshman year
Would fucking the college coach be against recruiting rules?
If your mother gets up on the bar again, I will. The bouncer already had a talk with her earlier.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
i asked him to talk to me in french while we fucked and halfway through i caught the word 'lasagna'. turns out he was making his grocery list.....i asked him to keep going.
You seriously don't remember crying about how much you miss your mom right before we hooked up?
Things that have happened since you moved: Lemmy, Bowie, Snape, Prince, civility, democracy, Carrie Fisher, all dead. Record flooding down here. Twice. This is clearly your fault.
Randomize
