I was in a gas station that sold tazers and I just saw a billboard that said "Strippers, need we say more?" God I love Georgia!
she bought me drinks at the bar, made me pizza at her place, gave me head, and then drove me home...i think i might propose
Baffled as to how I'm gonna get 150lbs of sand out of my basement.
I just recycled a years worth of liquor bottles. I can feel my alcoholic carbon footprint shrinking
I'm going to write a letter. It's going to say, Dear Every Girl Ever: Take some goddam initiative and wake me up with a blowjob and I will eat out of your hand. Love, Every Guy Ever
Also, the drinking age in Japan is 20. At what point in the sky am I allowed to start downing alcohol?
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
The sex was so bad. I kept sending people snapchats of my face during it.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
I'm a 23 year old adult who just ordered condoms online from Target because I'm still too embarrassed to buy them in the store.
You were a hurricane of blowjobs and glitter makeup. You came out of the closet and took the house down with it
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
I don't know how I managed to chip the inside of my tooth w/ a turkey and cheeto sandwich, but I think that's what happened.
I'm sorry, a turkey and WHAT sandwich?!?!
Randomize
