I bet they all look and smell like Amy Winehouse
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
There was something that i liked about you, but you spent it
just found out there is no tactful way to ask your girlfriend to wax her stache. no matter what a google search would have you believe.
it was like eating out sand paper
he referred to my room as the tit cave...
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
Nah you can have him. There's too many men in my life right now. I can't handle another dick.
i think there mostly mad about the fact it was 6 pm not the fact i blew a .255
The "don't get cum on anything" rule also applies to my furniture and scarves
That's not technology. Doesn't count.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
didn't realize her mom was home while we were fucking, but she's oddly okay with it. she made us food afterwards. but then kept talking about having grand kids the whole time. is it time to bail?
you texted him "it's time for the no pants dance", please get your tubes tied.
So if you wanna come get your pants you can. But you have to come in your boxers. Rules are rules!
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
Randomize
