Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
I have to look really hot tonight because my personality is going to suck.
First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
i'm pissing behind 7/11. if you guys leave... i'll think it's funny too
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Having drunken flash backs of me giving you a piggy back ride. I was like Jesus, and you were my cross. I fell so many times for you. This is true friendship.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
Do you think that we can get a group discount on liver transplants? We'll be like kids again!
Apparently you can talk a girl into leaving the bar and coming back to your tent, who knew?
He went down on me while I had rollers in my hair. I've never felt more like a lady.
I'm pretty sure my liver died in Reno and my intestines are doing hula hoops around my asshole. The bachelor party was that good.
If it goes near your penis, it should not go near the Hawks.
There's a baby duck in my toilet. Fuck you.
I'm sure there's been a weekend in 2014 we were sober... Clearly it wasn't fun, bc I can't recall it. Point proven, alcohol is key.
Randomize
