Bc you can definitely buy condoms if ur a 14 year old girl
it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
We got three kegs and a backhoe. Now taking bets on what charges we end up getting arrested for. Will need bail money.
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
Fell asleep in the library, woke up because I almost let out a sleep fart. That was close.
If tits could talk, mine would be bragging
Give me an out of order sign and caution tape and we can have sex practically anywhere.
Would it kill us to punctuate. That last text took me 5 min to read
I felt like I should've driven him home but I was holding in a fart and just needed him to leave
We ended up shitfaced at the house after the Super Bowl trying to get someone from Scientology on the phone.
Nothing like walk of shaming to the bus stop in your bar clothes at noon and seeing the fire truck you work on drive past with the other shift giving you thumbs up.. Brotherhood at its finest
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
Bitch how dare you drink my dos equis
so all I remember is hig-fiving the cop and then sprinting away. considering I'm not in jail, I count that as a win.
You got drunk, made toast, and declared yourself a domestic goddess.
Randomize
