I'm making progress with her.. She actually looked at me today and gave me a dirty look. Things are going real good.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Ima go for a jog. and I'm going to jog until I throw up a lung. then I'll crawl home.
he just asked me for a tag team. like at least let me get changed out of your roommates clothes from last night first...
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
Was that your vagina? Received a text pic from a number I didn't recognize. Shaved, so no hair color cues. But it looked like your lips.
I have 4 passes to the spa here, walking around with a robe on and putting cucumber slices on my penis. You guys should come hang out here. It's very relaxing
He kept humping my leg and whispering "dont worry, thats my phone not my penis"
You were supposed to be my wingman and all you kept to her friend was "kill it with fire"..
He just said Bill Nye is just a dude. If I ever considered sleeping with him, I never will now.
Is it awkward to pay for your boob job with scholarship money? Either way, it's happening.
wtf why is there glitter all over my dog
For one week of my life every time I pull my cock out I want the Jurassic Park theme music to start playing.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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