A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
You know, as long as there were ice cream breaks, I would totally eat chips for a living.
You text me last night that you invented a new food. Cheese-less grilled cheese. Congrats, you made toast.
Fucking freshmen need to learn how to puke in the bushes outside the dorm and not in the fucking elevator.
she could've warned me his penis was curved
ya i dont think she expected you to get with her boyfriend.
There is a guy, stoned out of his mind, only wearing slippers and a bathrobe in the library.
I just broke a sweat shaving my own vagina. Something has got to change.
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
Do you think casino weekend will remind us once again that we in fact are not mature enough to be this old?
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
My booty call made my bed while I was in the shower. I may have to marry him.
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