you need to not memorize your credit card number for drunk pizza
I'm taking last night back. It officially didn't happen. Tell your friends.
Get your damn GED now that you are harvesting a child in her belly
What is a GED?
I took my vicodin with tequila. I can FEEL gravity...
she told me I give head better than a lesbian. I know it's a great compliment but it kind of threw me off.
I just opened up the mens room door to a dude pissing in the urinal and pointing at himself in the mirror
Friends bring friends secret work margaritas. my pink water bottle is in the cupboard
his apartment was in a funeral home, walk of shamed through a visiation in the skankiest outfit i own
I was mid-sentence and you stopped me and said, "Yeah.. for my vaginas sake, I'm gonna need you to stop talking right now."
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
We walked in and someone handed her an unopened bottle of jack with her name on it. She's like a drunken celebrity.
You reeked of guilt and shame and we offered you pancakes
My one night stand asked me out to dinner. When he came to pick me up I got in the back seat. I thought he sent an uber. Awkward.
I finally selected an outfit that says "I'm not easy" but still shows off the tittays.
Randomize
