What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
i think you shook his penis after he was done peeing.
I wish I could rss feed the hooker ads on craigslist because it looks suspicious that I check craigslist every hour.
tagging him in all 73 close-ups of your cleavage might have been a little obvious.
I have bruises on my ass from her spurs. God bless Texas.
I chased a girl up a staircase screaming because she had a cardboard cut out of James Dean which, at the time, I believed to my friend being held against his will
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Just turned down sex because it's a holy day of obligation, my mom would be proud.
Is it rude if I don't go?
No. It is not rude if you don't go to her cat's Star Wars themed birthday party.
I need a full description of the guy I hooked up with. I don't think I ever saw his face
he seemed brazillian..
fuck.
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
He compared my blow job skills to finding gold treasure in a gold chest, so there's that.
Invitations to sext will not be acknowledged until 10 a.m. EST. Thank you for your cooperation. We apologize for any inconvenience.
Guy peeing and puking at the same time in the women's restroom? So impressed that I can't be offended
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