Im glad youre not pregnant with that New Jersey assholes baby. Your vagina would have smelled worse than Newark.
Odds of those being real?
One in who gives a fuck
I just beer bonged a sparks. You better get your ass over here because no one is on my level yet
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
shes got that 'its my party i can do meth if i want to' mentality. i like that.
as you might have guessed from my lack of texts, the herpes have calmed down.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
He told me he wished he could shrink down to a small size so he could live inside my cleavage
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
I don't know if I'm more excited about sex or that I have an excuse to smoke a cigarette
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
Oh! I forgot to tell you. Part of that weird ass dream last night. I was jamie lee curtis and I cut off all my hair because yogurt.
Randomize
