im 80% sure the guy across from me is taking pictures of my legs
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
Not sure if jager bombs can cure tuberculosis, but its a theory im testing as we speak
I have Retrograde Ejaculation as a side effect from one of my meds. Is this a respectable form of birth control?
She literally pulled the door off the hinges and "dropped" it down the stairs... Do I just say 'good job' and put her to sleep?
All of the texts in my phone just say "BEER". I woke up with glowsticks on my arm. What happened last night?
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
When she introduced her friend to me I shook his hand and told him not to leave his ugly vest at my apartment in the morning. He took it off and bought me a shot.
Conversations really do change when your social worker had your dick in her mouth the other night.
Oh god it's open bar.
Today is a good day to get high. It's easy to blame the glazed-over look in my eye on my new contacts
I had Mac n cheese made with weed butter last night. Epic
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