we'll hang out once this whole, "your friends are robbers and drug addicts" thing blows over with my parents.
I just told someone i was in "addition and subtraction 160".......and they believed me.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
Was that picture taken before or after I supposedly punched him in the face?
HOW AM I SUPPOSED TO LOOK FUCKABLE IN AN ALL NEON SPANDEX JUMPSUIT?
THE ALMIGHTY HAS FALLEN DRUNKENLY OFF HIS HIGH HORSE AND INTO HOLLY'S VAGINA
This is what my life has come to. Drinking champagne alone yelling at the dog because no one wants to hang out with me
I can't turn off my feet"
I think the only option is to smoke so much weed I just pass out for 3 days.
Drunk level: ugly crying in the bar upon discovery of sweet tarts and not smarties.
I'm actually really happy I can say that my first body shot was out of a gay strippers massively ripped chest
I feel like hooking up with you on my floor, sneaking out my window and jumping a fence is an effort that deserves a happy birthday.
I'm in the fetal position trying to figure out a way to get someone to deliver me pancakes.
You were so drunk last night that you fell thru the bathroom door at the bar, ripping it off the hinges in the process. But, your birthday tiara stayed on thru the whole thing. I'd call it a succcessful evening. Happy birthday kiddo!
Bro I rebuilt the dungeon in animal crossing visit me
Broooo
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