Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
i just google searched 'can you pop your ovary'
I just spread your mom's ashes with my new girlfriend. I wouldve waited for you to fly home but she was uncomfortable in the house with her remains there. I'll mail you the urn since u handpainted it.
YOU HAVE A GIRLFRIEND ALREADY!?! WTF WE JUST HAD HER FUNERAL 3 WEEKS AGO!!!!!!!!!!!!
I hate how you keep a running list of people who have seen me naked.
I woke up with her little sister yelling "she's dead !!" from the bathroom doorway.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
Someone at all my grapes... if it was you or one of your hoodrat friends I swear to god I'll shit in your shampoo
I am not sure which is more amazing; The fact that she offered me sex, beer AND nachos, or that she can properly use a semi-colon at her current blood alcohol level.
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
I woke up not knowing what state I was in. Turns out, people from Deleware are pretty helpful.
There's a bull to ride and dancing on the bar is encouraged. This is my heaven. And this is why god made leopard tube tops.
He drives a PT Cruiser.... that should have been my first clue.
i passed out in front of ihop...for the second night in a row. i think i need to reevaluate my life choices
You remember my neighbor with the perfect ass? It's even better in assless chaps.
Randomize
