Strip flip cup NEVER equals good idea
I woke up to him trying to put his dick in my mouth. When I asked him what he was doing he said he was trying to make me stop snoring...
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
he got instantly turned off in the middle of a blowjob when he heard the news "twilight beat the blockbuster record of batman"
I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
no one should ever give us hovercrafts
she made me take her to the grocery store to buy a gallon of sweet tea and a shit ton of band aids, the cashier asked if someone was hurt and she replied "not yet.."
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
After all the hair products he's stolen from me, he better fucking be gay.
I just want to hug my vagina but I can't!\nLike, I want to wrap my arms around it and say "I'm sorry"
I told you I'm not going to the Phillies game until we're tripping balls
He passed out in the car on the way to the party. Seabiscuit tripped before the race even started....Lil bitch....
I left when you were using your mug to lay on the street and ask for spare change
I accidentally sent my dad a very explicit Star Wars fanfiction and he replied with "That was great!"
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