I'm fascinated by her cleavage. She has deep cleavage, but no obvious boobage to speak of. Check it out.
Hes a 32 yr old divorced sailor that calls me almost every night drunk begging me to call him big daddy. I think i might need to change my number.
I saw your purple underwear in the road this morning.
Woke up at 4:30am to my little brother shaking me. Apparently I fell asleep naked on my kitchen table waiting for the toaster to pop. 2 years of college completed and i still havent learned my drinking limit...
I feel like now would be a good time to apologize for vomiting in your eye
Blackout strip poker. Now. Bring flashlights because we found that candles are dangerous with nudity.
You know your in for a great weekend when you buy the booze already in crutches
I fake pass out to avoid hookups sometimes. Last night I fake slept on my bathroom floor for like 2 hours before the guy left.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
I want to play lord of the rings tonight. And by that I mean get really drunk, potentially lost, and go trekking through the woods or climbing shit. I want all of you there. You are the fellowship. This is a mass text. I am insanely high.
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
Well yes he stayed. He brought Guiness, them he shaved me. It's a long, but beautiful story.
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
the only fun thing to do here is drink beer and make mistakes. i feel like im in college again
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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