Heard at work: Get out of my face before I cuntpunch you so hard your granddaughters have miscarriages. I love my job.
I'm moving there. Get me hired.
if creeping was an olympic sport, i would be a lock for the gold right now.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
I'm drinking while I write this paper. When I can't see the screen anymore I'm gonna come out
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
Well, they emptied out the keg by the third kegstand for America.
she was stripping to whiskey lullaby. most depressed boner.
Our funnel is on top of our neighbors roof.
Having my alarm go off at 3:30 makes me wanna rip my dick off and shove it through my eye socket
No, that's just what we do when we hang out. We get drunk, have really awesome sex, then fight about why we never worked as a couple
I'M WORRY THAT MY VAGINA WILL NEVER KNOW THE TOUCH OF A MAN AND YOU ARE MAKING A MIXTAPE
I just plagiarized Dr. Curtis Connor's ideology from Spider-man in an essay on genetically engineered embryos. College: academic integrity at its finest.
SpongeBob is life. I once broke up with a guy bc he said SpongeBob was stupid.
Im playing a game I have to take a drink every time my gram asks me the same question hammered by 4 guaranteed...
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