It's not a real calculator it's a math calculator
Blackout barefoot maybe pregnant
Good decisions....
Just got blue box Mac and cheese things are looking up
I want to dip my vagina in sugar. Not only will it be sweet, but it will have a nice sparkle.
Mike is offhisass drunk and just sat down next to my sister and said "If you gained 30 pounds and stopped reading poetry, I would be attracted to you. Now, your little sister, attractive, even though she's basically the same person as you- she just pulls it off better because she's 15."
just skyped with my friend to listen in on the people talking shit about me in the library. creepy or strategic?
The bouncer asked you what your sign was and u replied "syracuse"
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
An attempt at squeezing a tomato to make a bloody mary just says desperation all over it....
i got us a cheese tray and a bottle of whiskey
ugh yes i love our date nights
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Sent nudes to my best friend's boyfriend and mom last night. So I'm coping with that on top of my hangover this morning
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
If I say I hate myself for it does it make it any better?
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
