Ummmm the art teacher neighbor asked me to pose nude for her art class for cash.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
Apparently, banging my bartender ex-girlfriend = free drinks again. Not every bad decision is a wrong decision.
she asked me which thongs i though her boyfriend would like best. fuck the friend zone
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Holy. Crap. I just found a hickey on my bikini line. He never got my pants off. WHO IS THIS MYSTICAL HOOKUP WIZARD?
Jasmine is diving into bushes again.
Trying not to look at her chest is like trying to not hear a fire engine racing by.
Everything is fine, it's not hung over in here at all\n\n*Narrator* *but in fact everything was not fine*
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
I can still taste your cum in my mouth and my in-laws are coming over. This should go well.
You stocked up?
No actually didn’t get a chance. If you wouldn’t mind bringing me a brownie and a bottle of Jameson that’d be nice
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