i took an adderall last night to write a paper. i ended up watching 7 hours of roseanne and couldn't look away
You know how i spent all of black friday on the plane? Well guess who's getting a x-mas gift from skymall?!!??
New scientific discovery: The hypothetical attractiveness of a woman increases exponentially as her skirt:boot ratio approaches zero. Nobel Prize in my future?
I want to say that being forced to stare at the 'no.1 boyfriend' collage behind his head ruined the sex but it just didn't.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I may have broken a few toes and my face hurts. I do know that I pissed the bed so at least I've got some closure there
Everytime I am with a guy I hope his penis is as big as yours. It never is. Thanks for setting that bar.
Just put a dog collar on someone's child.....was a great hit with everyone but his mom.......I think she hates me. I'm okay.with that
will barter weed for kareoke machine...
So I know we're not talking about this anymore buuuuuut I left heel marks on the wall.
I climbed through his window to find him already with another booty call. This wouldn't have happened if I could upgrade from my 7th grade scooter to a real car.
…If I were you I wouldn't use that as part of your argument to your dad for a car
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Randomize
