why is it that no matter what your novelty license plate says it always screams "im a huge tool"?
I think dad's getting high again. His last google search was "awesome ping pong shit."
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
I just randomly started counting the number of guys that I've hooked up with that are now gay. 11.
a guy tried paying for lapdances with cds, who uses those anymore?
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
my resolution for 2011 is to fuck him whenever he wants it. this year I'm going above and beyond the call of booty.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
I don't care if I just threw up. You kiss me now. This is marriage.
Did i tell you my idea for my life plan? Not the one that involves stripping.
She roared AMY HORNEY and hulk hoganed her shirt off. Fuckin marriage time bro
Idk how much more i could have responded my dick was basically trying to unzip the zipper and hop out
I convinced a girl making out is a secret handshake
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
I had a dream I hooked up with Post Malone. I can still smell the dream
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