That adds atleast one bjs worth of awkward sexual tension between us.
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
Can I get a DUI with a shopping cart? I've nearly hit 2 displays and little girl...
Sorry I was drunk and left blood all over your back seat I was pretending to be in private Rayan and used your thong as a bandage
You have all of her herpes and none of my sympathy
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
You made out with a guy who refers to his cock as "rafiki." Are you proud of yourself?
I'm never waking up next to someone after sex again. It's alllll downhill from there.
It's like a challenge who can be the biggest embarrassment to the family. I win 80% of the time.
Who knows? Maybe we can sing afternoon delight into each other's genitals.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
Oh jesus...leave it to you to hit on not one but two guys who can't fuck you till marriage.
Sorry I pissed in your closet and lied to your parents that it was probably a flood. He got up to go to the bathroom, expecting sex when he got back, I panicked
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
