My drunk dialing habit needs to go. My drunk habit can stay though.
I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
The hookah bar is playing i'm on a boat. I believe in god again.
The lego bong didn't work. Just made us look stupid
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
Dude. Stop sending me lines from Hungry Like the Wolf
How was my night? He had a picture of his mom on his night stand and he yelled "Papi like" when he came. Fuck tequila.
I gave a handjob to the beat of uptown fuck last night
Dude I just realized i did a camper walk of shame in front of amish people. I should have asked for cheese and a home made pie to cover it up. Im just lost shopping in amish country nothing to see here
I was thrusting to the beat of Felix Navidad..
Why do I have this feeling like this is heading in a slightly threesome-y direction
Went to go look for a friend that was missing since 3am, found her passed out in the hallway of the apartment, guessing it was a good night
Then, even the devil himself would be scared of us. And we'd be bestfriends with Jesus. He would love us.
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
