Who said anything about talking that was a booty call
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
Is it sad that the only reason I haven't lapsed into depression is that I'm prettier than her?
Nah, we all need something.
She set an alarm on my phone for her birthday. Place: Her bed.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
Its 10:23 on a monday morning and im craving jello shots, this is a problem
Occasionally I curse my inner 15 year old when I'm fulfilling their dreams as a slut, but I roll with it.
she just stared at nothing and then looked at me and goes, "that's a weird place to put the wall"
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I still have the video of you three making soup in my kitchen and asking random people for permission DURING the party, not after like usually
Don't remember, didn't happen
I HAVE THE VIDEO YOU DICK IT HAPPENED
Hey, I'm just seeing how you're doing and letting you know I fucked your dad last night. Don't fuck with me.
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
we promised ourselves we wouldn't get too drunk, and what happens? I wake up the next morning with half a mcdouble in one pocket and some barbie clothes in the other.
The gate guard just said to me, "I almost didn't recognize you in uniform. Welcome back." I think I need to lay off the booze.
I guess I called her at 2am, demanding that she bring us food. She told us to order pizza, and I yelled "DON'T MENTION PIZZA!" I recall nothing.
Randomize
