K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
So I got my period. Finally. In related news, I reinstated my belief in God.
It smells like ranch
Must be all the white people
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
Sometimes one must go to great lengths and make great sacrifices to get drunk. I willingly accept the challenge.
I'm going to keep a tally of how many lives I ruin this summer. Starting today.
Already at 3 and it's not even noon.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
Yeah if I don't text back. I'm eating. sleeping. Or lifting. Or drinking. Or playing call of duty. Like shit man
I think my body knows it's dying and is just shutting down
She wasn't one for labels or anything serious really but while she was riding me she yelled marry me. It's like she fucked her self into commitment lmao she realy is a keeper bro
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I sent him a tex saying, "I thought my intentions were clear" drunk me has some balls.
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
He adjusted my bra straps while I blew him.
He made me spaghetti, gave me wine and I fucked him on the floor, Is that a fair trade of services to you?
Randomize
