Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
I'm hiding behind a bush in mens clothing next to a ducks crossing sign. There are joggers. Please hurry.
I can get orange kush...
GET IT NOW! WHY IS THERE A DOT DOT DOT?!
im not gonna bother asking u how it was... we could hear u through the walls
thanks for celebrating my birthday so severely 2 years ago. i just found your hospital discharge papers in my closet.
anything for my little brother.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
Judging by the progress I've made since I woke up (none) I'm thinking this hangover may keep me in bed.
Idk what was more embarassing, seeing her face when I finished, or seeing her roomates faces thru the door..
He didn't have much of a personality. But I had like 100 orgasms, so that's cool.
Burnt my boob on a piece of hot waffle at work today..I feel like thats a new low point in my career..
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I can't believe I haven't fucked an Elvis impersonator yet.
Go have sex with him right now! Drunk sex is the best sex.
I know but these gold fish are so much better
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