Nice. Sry i missed. Also sorry that i pissed on my toothbrush last nite
Sink seemed easy target but balance was no good
Just tried calling my phone on my phone because i thought i lost my phone.
all i remember thinking as i was puking my intestines out is : wow.. this toilet does look like it's from the future.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
She's opening her family birthday cards at the bar. So we can pay our tab. Bitches wrote checks :(
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
I have a better chance beating China's military with slap bracelets than this plan has of working.
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
Idk I'm drinking Sam Adams and wearing new balances so I'm basically a dad
Actually, I may scrap this entire plan. I just realized that I had sex with a guy with his own whiskey commercial.
I behisseth at your soul from the deepest darkest depths of the earth
Going to give your dick a friendship bracelet.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
As a side note, can you ask the maintenance staff not to drag their balls on our stairwell handrails. Please.
Let me know if you need some dick this weekend.
Between the BF being in town, partying at the Side Dick’s house tonight and two Tinder dates tomorrow I’ve got dick to spare!!
Randomize