Sry I called you an 8
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
Her problem is just that he inner beauty is just as ugly as her physical beauty
Apparently Sundays are the worst days for your friends to get their head split open and need stitches...there's only 1 doctor on duty
The bartender just started bringing me gin and tonic in a pint glass to save himself trips...
I fell alseep but then some dude picked me up. Comforter and all stuck a blunt in my mouth and carried me back downstairs because "I wasn't done partying"
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
New life rule, no banging opera singers. I might be a little deaf now
Perfect. Let's do that. I'm thinking everclear and green dye as our base. We shud start from there
He brought me breakfast in bed after our one night stand. Beer and Cheerios I may come back to this place
Good to know. If our sexting moves past early 1900s vernacular, I'll be sure to use that once or twice.
I got pulled over by the same cop in a 4.5 hour window. Got off both times. Fuck yes.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
I’m not lawful evil! I do evil things because I want to, not because of the law
Randomize
