I just made a friends list on fb of all the guys ive hooked up with. genius.
He got so drunk that he tried hitting on a girl using nothing but his Samuel L. Jackson soundboard application on his Iphone
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
I thought you'd have died of alcohol poisoning years ago! How'd you get my number?
I am still STD free so as far as I am concerned I never went to panama.
you walked in on him eating me out and screamed SHE'LL BREAK YOUR HEART BRO before body slamming on the ground and passing out on the floor
Tell her this is the Disneyland of penises.It's a magical place everyone should visit once in their life.
I may not be his cup of tea, but I bet I'm his 10th shot of tequila
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
help. his tongue is stuck. Its not what you think. Hurry.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
We had sex in Lake Michigan for an hour Sunday.
Thanks for ruining an entire lake for me. I hate you so much right now.
Randomize
