I thought I drunk dialed Adam last night and left him a voicemail. I just checked my phone. I realize I left a drunk voicemail with my son's teacher.
If it looks like I didn't change from last night, it's because I didn't.
Dude we got so high last night. I said "watch this" threw a goldfish cracker in the toilet, and laughed my ass off. We watched the dvd menu for 30 minutes too.
i decided to cut a 3rd hole in to my snuggie so i could masturbate all the time.. all time low? or genius?
Is there any way you can check to see if I have a warrant out in Alabama?
Is it bad that John just came to my work to have sex with me bc I felt bad that he slept on his porch last night locked out and I missed all his calls?
He gets you donuts, dinner, and booze consistently, who cares if he's cheating
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I'll tell these girls I'm like the pet adoption center...don't play with it if you're not taking it home.
i feel like i am carryihg a baby. a baby made of alcohol.
I'm hungry
Come here to eat and play. It'll be like Dave and Busters except with sex
Who's the easier target... Bandages on the knees, tramp stamp, or bra showing? Not in the mood to work for it tonight.
She's the perfect storm of great hair, big boobs, intellectualism, and mild moral ambiguity.
my extended weekend of being as irresponsible as possible started with blowing the bartender in the bar bathroom. off to a good start.
I'm in the liquor store and fucking "Wannabe" by the Spice Girls is playing. IM ALREADY ASHAMED OF MY REASON FOR BEING HERE, GIVE ME A BREAK.
Randomize
