We were so tired we rock paper scissored for who would be on top. I won.
don't worry, your friend will b fine, they treat virgins nicely around here
Note to self: don't jizz on a surface cleaned with Tilex. It WILL turn purple.
I was thinking of baby names while I was giving him a blow job
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Am I allowed to say that I would really enjoy blowing you again? Or does that fall into the "nothing changes between us" catagory?
nope, if she's going to skank it up with ginge-a-saurus douche she deserves the silent treatment.
Blood and glitter go together right?
She bit a glowstick open. Apparently they burn. We bonded while she washed the chemicals out of her mouth as I did double shots of Jager.
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
This number has temporarily been disconnected and will be restored to service once you get rid of you girlfriend.
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
I could tell you were slightly drunk by the time you started having a conversation with my tiki torch
tbh i just wanted to fuck a guy with forearm tattoos but then he was so FORWARD about it
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