if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
and on the fourth day, god made foam parties.
We waited til after. Not even drunk sex felt right during a Disney movie.
Apparently I had an idea for a cooking show and then proceeded to throw cookies at people.
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Tried to eat a chip. Mouth wouldn't cooperate. Nearly died. Wow I've missed this.
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Circumcision scars are like fingerprints. I think I'm on to something man.
Just got complimented on my chugging... Car bombs show how good I am at swallowing, they should be my new pickup line.
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I shotgunned a beer immediately puked and rallied. And by rallied I mean had sex in the bathroom after he held my hair.
What a gentleman.
That confirms what we've all known all along. I'm a bad gay. I have no fashion sense.
Randomize
