Not just anyone can homewreck on three continents simultaneously
you are my hero
Don't you ever say "drinking at 2" as if it's a bad thing again. I'm asking you as a friend here.
So I put about 15 worms in the cuervo bottle. I don't think that's how it works but I feel like hallucinating by 11am
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
that's not even the weird part though. he already knew where the bathroom was, he might have been here before..
Less talking, more tequila
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I now have a other guy willing to drive 3 hours for my vagina. At my next gyno appointment I'm asking her if there's cocaine in there.
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
I am so disappointed that he didn't steal a Christmas tree last night.
Dude I turned down free booze. I think I'm growing as a person.
He literally knows my vagina better then I do.
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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