We made it safely. Thanks for the call though.
i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
There could not be a more unattractive person. She just told me her period was so bad that she got sick. I think my penis retracted and killed himself
talking dirty on facebook chat is the new phone sex.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
Someone shat in the 1st floor west girls hall. Literally SHAT in the hallway
That's what she gets for taking his peeps.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
I had to warn the neighbors
Warn them about what?! It's noon
"Pay no attention to me if at random points of the day I'm outside with kitty cat ears on" I'm a mess...
Hey. My eyes swollen shut and I can't find my shoes. How was your night?
Statistics show that guys with slightly higher IQ scores and overly-trimmed eyebrows have micro penises. It's science.
Trump won PA by a fucking landslide. If only Cruz hadn't eaten that booger.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
The way I see it, there's 2 types of friends. Those you should do drugs with, and those you really,really shouldn't.
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
Thanks for not letting me choke to death on my vomit last night
Thank you for attempting to organize my DVDs in chronological and alphbetical order
Randomize
