Obama is so hot when he ends wars.
I just got a booty call..Its 6 pm..a brave attempt to climb the rotation ladder..I like his ambition.
He's taking me to Burger King to celebrate losing my virginity..
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
PS- I just stirred my mimosa with a slice of bacon
I drunkenly asked a stripper to join our volleyball team.
Fran... I put my tongue in somebody's gage hole last night.
The amount of guys who just came into the room to give me a high five after hooking up with him was about 5 too many.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
i ate a whole tub of butter with my hands last night. don't tell me about rock bottom
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
I THINK it was the lead singer. Whoever he was, I have his number and his dick was pierced.
It was totally the lead singer.
And as drunk as I was I was able to show my mom how to make text italicized in Microsoft word
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
Help me help you realize you are a moron
Randomize
