Came home to a chalk baord that read:" Think like a rapist." Can't say I'm surpirsed.
If Jon and Kate can get divorced...how hard can it be for me?
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
my dad just told me he wants a furry wall in the house... i'm proud and concerned
You made a "martini" bagel. Took a bagel dunked it in vodka and put olives in it
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Now that my 6 day bender is behind me, I just realized I might have been the one who took a shit in our mailbox that past few days.
Apple trackpads and semen don't mix. On the way to the Apple Store.
I opened my package from my mom today. She put four bottles of tequila in the bottom under my ducky slippers. She knows me way to well.
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
Look at all the pictures I have of us sucking on jello syringes.
I just hooked up with a one legged Australian guy. Hooray diversity!
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
im on a boat
How did you get this number?
Randomize
