Do you remember getting into a Delorean last night?
I'm at the bar and I just saw some unnecessary and accidental cooter...sometimes I think girls need a license to go out pantyless in public.
New low. Found an ant nibbling on my last xanax. Flicked it away and popped it in my mouth anyways.
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
I went to check the drunk texts i sent last night but my phone deleted them already. Even my phone is ashamed.
i think you're the only person in the world who masturbates to food network.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
I mean I drunk but not enough to handle a Scientology convention
He gave me a trycicle he stole from a kid as an "offering" to have sex. I couldnt say no when he went through all that.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
The fact that you got a stranger guy to buy you a pizza off tinder makes me feel amazing
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize