Just saw an old lady trip and stumble. Laughed. Kept Driving. I'm going to hell.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
Remember when we did the egg drop from the Dyson building? Her vag is like that, except with a ham, and the ham doesn't make it. I'll be back to the apartment in ten.
Acid flashbacks - fact or fiction? Have been seeing a surprising amount of sparkly shit this afternoon...
just had to make the 420 edibles gluten free and kosher for passover.
You distracted them by dancing on the stripper pole, I ripped the flag off the wall, stuffed it in my pants and we were out.
He just dragged himself across the floor on his back claiming to be "the swiffer" help
just watched my roommates get stoned and jury rig a pulley system to pass the bowl back and forth across the room.
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
So on a scale of 1 to Friendship-Over, how mad would you be if a rando I brought home sharted on the shag carpet in the living room?
You fucked him. I baby bird fed him whiskey . I feel like we've bonded.
Let's stay in this weekend and play drinking games to the Winter Olympics.
As long as we can drink anytime we see a stray dog, mafia looking Russian or double toilet.
As of right now, my vibrator and a bag of snickers share the same drawer
Haha holy fuck. i dont remember much after pissing on your ex's flaming nude pics.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
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