After grabbing my boob for a couple minutes he then decides to ask me if I was awake.
He called me while he was having sex and asked if I wanted to go get mcdonalds
thanks for being my moral compass. and thanks for not always pointing north so i can be slutty and not feel bad about it.
Fuck morning classes and our weekday drinking habits.
I actually don't know if I can stand up. I just know better than to try
Attention ladies coming to the party tonight! Tonight will be another chance to win the 5 bucks for getting my cousin hard. Bring your a-game, no one has been able to overcome the whiskey dick yet. Good luck.
Shit stained towel. The very symbol of how much closer we are as friends. Fall 011... beautiful disaster
You know what, I don't care that I got too drunk and didn't make it into the boat party. If I had, I probably wouldn't have peed on you later while we soundly slept. I feel you need that in a best friendship.
Well I could just do a roadtrip and hit them all. Slut tour 2012.
yeah we're mixing orange juice, vodka, and rum and calling it Oj Simpson On Trial
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
We are in Florida for 3 days. The people in charge of shit brought: a waffle maker, a cheese grater and a SEWING MACHINE
AND NO VODKA
I know him enough to fuck him but not enough to give him advice.
Kids I used to babysit are now fuckable members of my social media periphery.. Getting old sucks
It was probably the night you were half naked and trying to blow everybody, guy or girl.
this is me we're talking about here. You're going to have to be more specific than that.
Randomize
