I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
Just figured out how to smoke weed with a toaster.
I felt like I was in a real life creepy Myspace message. "girl u cute" ... "girl u got a really nice smile"
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
All i have left of him are the magnum X-Large condoms he left in my room, knowing full well that no other guy I hook up with will be able to fill his shoes. He taunts me.
There's never a time that i stay at this apartment that when i wake up in the morning and sit outside to smoke a cigarette that i don't feel ashamed of myself.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
Hopefully my orange shoes will distract people's attention from my crippling awkwardness
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
we're so committed to being not committed
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
dude. that's the chick that BIT MY DICK. it doesn't matter how hot you think she is, trust me man.
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