I mean a good dj is a huge turn on
the vacuum is drunk
what?
i spilled my drink and tried to vacuum it and now the vacuum is drunk
update: the house isnt on fire anymore, but he is still pissing on all your stuff.
the house was on fire??
shit I thought I told you.
Apparently one comment in my womens studies class cockblocks yourself for an entire semester.
theres a kid in a leopard robe and sunglasses filling up a gas tank. i miss college
Can u check his last FB check in, then come pick me up from there. Blame it on the tequila
Just saw a cougar do the walk of shame. She asked housekeeping where the fastest elevator was.
Should we buy the taco bell before hand? Not having taco bell on Quattro de mayo isn't a risk I'm willing to take
Sorry for all the snapchats, I wanted you to feel like u were in America getting plastered with me
Getting robbed by hookers is def a right of passage in a mans life
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I had a dream that you were telling me how good you are at parkour and legit you were doing it just like Michael Scott...
last night you said that you wanted to hold my dick as you slept because it was like having a stuffed animal.
You abruptly started screaming because they had and I quote “calamari on the hoof”
Randomize
