Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
Im going to buy a thermometer. If its above 104 im going to the hospital if its under 104 im going to the bar
Definately laid on the floor of the shower this morning drinking the water as it fell on me.
He just sent me a winky face in the middle of setting up a drug deal. You don't do that.
It just gets louder and louder too...dear god. Her poor vagina.
I can coach you back to consumption. Think of it kinda like Rocky II.
Just saw a girl duct tape a cigarette back together..I feel like my life is shambles for being present for this
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sometimes you have a life bucket list item checked off like 4 tits in your face simultaneously and getting to bang them both. I'm sorry I bailed on skiing but not really. Coming over with a boombox playing 'heat of the moment' as soon as I can hail a cab cause I'm too drunk to drive still...
Yeah started playing at the wedding last night, when the line. "Ludacris fills cups like DD" he starts pointing at my tits right in front of his grandparents.
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
You're a goddess. Probably of destruction and dick jokes, or some shit, but man, lesser bitches wish they could be half as fab.
My professor just told my lab he could drive us around town in his 1991 Lincoln towncar limo for our bar crawl. This just keeps getting better!
mother daughter bonding time. she's helping me make jello shots.
Randomize
