So... how did lowering your standards work out last night?
i'm forgoing the post-coitus cuddling sesh to ask u this :when he says he loves me and all i can think to say is either "cool" or "i love boning you," what do i do?
i just got a UPS package from a name and address i dont know, with one of my thongs in it. no recollection.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
you're kinda like the weird girl from The Breakfast Club after the makeover. i mean you're pretty, but you're still weird as fuck
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
Dammit. I drunkenly drank all my milk at 6 AM in a misguided stupor to prevent my roommates from stealing my milk.
okay, certainly we can't screw this up, and even as I type, I know we will
Just had a flash back. Pretty sure i ate toilet paper last night.
FYI, grandma is already drunk and using a bed sheet as a table cloth.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
"Local woman assaults strangers with sex toy" is a headline I never want to be about me.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
I tried to bring you in when you passed out on the porch but all you said was that I "ruined your hope ands dreams of becoming an astronaut"
Randomize
