forecast for tonight- shitshow with a chance of tbell
my version of bright and sunny.
you insisted on breathalizing me with a inhaler.
somehow we got the entire party to start singing "ill make a man out of you" from mulan. needless to say, that kid had the best keg stand i'd ever seen.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I don't know what kind of soup they made, but it smells like condoms.
Question: should I be considering heels or is this the kind of night where I should plan on falling on my face regardless of my choice of footwear?
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
My mom just covered me while I peed in the street. I love her. i also love parents weekend.
I woke up to an alarm on my phone that said "Buy Plan B" and then the guy offered me a hairbrush... which seemed polite at the time
I'm crying and shaving my Bronco playoff beard
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
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