Please don't use social media to get back at me.
I was amazed that you fell flat on your ass and still managed not to spill them drinks in your hands. Your getting good at this.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Keep your head up. His game is good, and you should be honoured to be a notch on his wall. If it makes you feel better, if it wasn't you, it was going to be me.
Chef at hibachi place learned it was my bday and sprayed 20 second count worth of saki in my mouth. Not sure it was the right image to share with my kids, but thought you'd be proud.
he stopped midthrust to put on his sex playlist and the first song was 'can you feel the love tonight'
where do you find these guys?
His dad asked what he was doing so he texted his FATHER a picture of me wearing his shirt in his bed.
I'm in charge of his party but you're a paramedic, we're both needed.
She's like my safety school. At the end of the night, if I haven't found anyone better to hook up with, I can always call her if I need a place to drop a load and don't want to rub one out myself. Perfect next door neighbor.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
If I puke off the kayak tomorrow think nothing of it.
just texted my dealer that i could taste the blue but not the cheese. i said i could taste blue.
I'm just saying, I walked in on you blowing a burrito. I now understand how obsessed you are with Taco Bell. And how long it's been since you've got some.
My move is emasculating men with my superior intellect and it's not as charming when they can't see my huge rack.
you bet i'm gonna rock his four-foot-two world.
Randomize
