well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
I saw you try to drink out of a soda machine at taco bell, don't worry about judging
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
She only spoke Russian, but she was so gorgeous it didn't matter
Oh. I think she ate all the cake and took our vodka...still gorgeous.
Dude this deaf chick is totally hot, I just bought an apartment on boner ave
We waved. But it was a "let's hook up" wave.
Dad and I are shitfaced screaming at Canadians in Walmart. Life is good.
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
I currently need breakfast in bed, morning sex, and a bourbon and diet coke. Make this happen
Then he shook the next streetlight but this one broke and fell over. He told me, "This is the part where we run."
I FUCKED WHEELCHAIR DUDE
HE'S INTO WEIRD SHIT
GOOD KIND OF WEIRD SHIT
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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