Leaving terminator. dude in front of us leaving was wearing a baggy micael vick jersey, cargo shorts and brown crocs. God I hate people.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
Just beat my spinning in office chair record. Almost puked. Totally worth it.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
I lost count after the 4th body shot but I think I'm wearing at least 3 different peoples clothes.
Sorry 4 leaving u in the dumpster last night
Oh you know, we just bobbed for apples in a bucket full of jungle juice. So, a casual Tuesday night.
It probably would have happened but I just can't picture myself losing my virginity while laying on top of his Quiksilver duvet set.
look on the scale of 1 to the time you hit an old lady with your car chlamydia barely even rates
I think I gave the bachelor party directions to the breweries next to my dentist so that they could take me to my appointment and pick me up afterward...
Was I drunk or did Alex not show up with 100 rainbow Jell-O shots?
So I almost broadcasted the porn from my phone to the boardroom chrome cast
You left me with 12 red bulls and a bottle of vodka. What did you expect?
Randomize
