The Rock is playing the tooth fairy. I can't believe I used to smell what that man was cooking
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
Post a pic on facebook and see if those same 46 girls find shitting in the bed handsome and adorable
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I took the weekend off because he and I were supposed to go to Vegas for our anniversary and get a hooker remember?
Ah, yes. Who says romance is dead?
Either you got hacked or we need to have a serious discussion about sending penis enlargement emails to your straight friends and why you shouldn't. It sends the wrong message.
It's Been clinically proven that people who have sex 6 or more times per week are happier than those who don't. Just and FYI. For your mental health. From a soon so be psychologist. Who is drunk.
I don't think the TSA would be too happy. Who knows if three ounces of lube will be enough for us?
The party was Hollywood themed and I won an oscar for "finest ass in a leading role"
I wanted to waterboard myself with beer, but no one would give me their shirt to do it.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
What! I said that you would fall in love? See I know better. Dark liquor makes me think everything is a dream. I barely remember saying that
Idk... I'm not sure why anyone would use a flesh light in general. Let alone hook it up to a wifi device.
whole 5th of capt = waking up in the shower after 2 hours and the whole house asking why i'm STILL in a towel. and me having nothing to say
Randomize
