I told a kindergarten student that candy canes are bones of reject elves.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
New drinking game: take a shot everytime Jay-Z is played during the NFL draft.
he rubbed his balls on my face to wake me up.. this friends with benefits thing is getting out of hand.
They thought "watering it down" meant adding more vodka
dude, I'm passing out in the fifth floor janitors closet. Let me know when the rooms opened back up
She was puking in a plastic bag while cleaning where she puked on the floor. She knows how to multitask.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Let's learn from last year: Leave the handcuffs at home on St Patrick's Day.
Question: trumpet bong. Can it work.
so when he he finally wandered back into the room it was with a pound of cream cheese which he ate in 5 minutes flat and then passed out
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
Remember when we used to smoke out of an apple at the playground? Those were some precious moments
I had sex in the tube at that same playground once. That park is full of memories.
I did not marry a roomba.
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