my dad wants uyo to call him right now...reverse drunk dialing
I'm talking handstands, sex in broad daylight, waking me up in the middle of the night. CRAZY
handstands? WTF?
she was a gymnast
go to hell.
I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.
and if it starts getting weird im just going to tell him i used to be a man
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
We started hooking up and a group of freshmen outside my window started chanting my name. Encouraging yet distracting
JUST SAW MY DRUG DEALER SOBER AND GOING TO CLASS. This is weird, its almost like he's an actual student whio leaves his room...
She's still too new to the group to be comfortable with us just sitting down as a group and watching porn on the tv.
I would lick a homeless mans crack teeth for a cup of coffee right now.
I am naked in a blanket sprawled on my bed eating a pastry. This is all I want out of life. Ever.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
You don't have to have sex with both if us but I would like a little positive fucking regard.
Also if i get drunk and start crying about the elephants you all have my permission to abandon me.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
Randomize
